PMS
by Mishelledor23
Summary: The girls have been acting strange. In another important discussion, Inuyasha and Miroku learn way more than they ever wanted to about how women's bodies work. InuXKag, MirXSan One-shot


Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha, bless her soul.7

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Miroku wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand, he'd overheard the most delightful conversation between Sango and Kagome. On the other hand, he'd gotten his usual beating from Sango, but this time Kagome had slapped him too. Inuyasha and Shippo shook their heads, staring at him with judgemental eyes.

They had been walking along, taking their time for once. Kagome didn't sense a shard anywhere close by and oddly enough, Inuyasha didn't seem to mind their leisurely pace. Sango had stopped suddenly, red creeping into her cheeks. She'd tugged Kagome's arm and asked if they could step away for a moment.

"Yeah, whatever, don't be long." Inuyasha had said carelessly, sitting down and leaning against Kirara. In a matter of seconds, it seemed, the hanyou was fast asleep and snoring quietly. Shippo was nowhere to be seen, the kit was probably off chasing butterflies or something. In other words, a prime opportunity for eavesdropping.

"These medicines of yours are really something, Kagome," He'd heard Sango saying, careful to stay hidden. Kagome nodded sympathetically,

"I don't know what I'd do without them. They take a little while to work though, are you in serious pain?" Miroku's brow furrowed, was his precious Sango injured somehow and he'd failed to notice?

"It's not too bad, just uncomfortable" Sango answered, "I'm sore all over and my breasts feel swollen." Miroku's face lit up. _Interesting…_

"That's happening to me too," Kagome admitted, "but it's just my back that hurts. A hot spring would be really nice. Ooh, or a massage!" She sighed happily at just the thought.

"You ladies need a massage eh? Miroku chuckled, tapping his chin, "Maybe I'll volunteer my services later." Miroku froze in fright when he realized he'd spoken aloud, and not particularly quietly either. For a beautiful young woman, it was remarkable how much Sango could look like a demon when she wanted to. Kagome hung behind her, appearing equally annoyed.

"Ladies!" Miroku said cheerfully, holding his hands up placatingly. "I was concerned about you and decided to follow and protect you from afar! Maybe Inuyasha is willing to let you wander off into danger, but I'm not!" He beamed, proud of his quickly thought up excuse. The twin slaps on his face indicated that the women were less than grateful.

His exclamation of pain had rung through the forest, waking the hanyou from his nap and causing him to come charging in, Tessaiga swinging. Well sort of, the sword didn't transform. His sudden appearance startled Kagome so, that she shrieked the cursed word without even meaning to, so she said. Shippo had been completely baffled as to what had happened to make the adults come back bickering. He shared a look with Kirara, but she didn't seem to have any ideas either.

The decision had quickly been made to set up camp, by a suddenly testy half-demon. The ragtag team sat in a circle around the fire, waiting for the water in Kagome's kettle to boil. The air was heavy with awkwardness. As the darkness closed in, Inuyasha gripped his sword and growled under his breath as the change overtook him. Silver dissolved into inky black. Claws shrank into regular fingernails. Amber transitioned to chocolate-brown, losing their glow. Even his growl lost its inhuman rumble.

"Can I help all of you with something?" He snapped irritably.

"Sorry Inuyasha," Kagome said soothingly, "It's just…your transformation looks kind of cool." Inuyasha chuffed.

"Keh. Turning into a weakling like the rest of you, isn't my idea of cool."

"We all know this is an uncomfortable time for you, Inuyasha, but do you have to be so rude every time?" Sango asked, with a bite in her voice.

"Me?" He exclaimed, "Don't think I haven't noticed how strange you've been for the last two days. You too Kagome!"

"What do you mean?" The girls exclaimed indignantly. Inuyasha jabbed a finger at the demon-slayer first.

"When we got attacked by that swarm of mosquito demons, you left Miroku and I to do the clean-up, saying that you'd been stung and weren't feeling well. But there was no scent of mosquito venom on you!" Sango silently cursed. It was true she hadn't been feeling well…because of the wave of cramps and nausea that had hit her like a sack of rice.

"And when we stayed at that inn, Miss Ladylike over there," he pointed at Kagome, "ate just as much as I did! Maybe more! Then," he continued, "I had to sit with her for half an hour because she got a paper-cut from those giant book things and started crying! So, what gives? Out with it!"

Kagome's face had turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. She and Sango stared at their knees, trying to think of a retort. Miroku scratched his temple, trying to follow.

"Are you both suffering from some kind of ailment? Is there a cure?"

"No." Sango ground out.

"Then what's wrong with you?" Inuyasha demanded. Shippo was not nearly as interested in this conversation as everyone else seemed to be; he was the only one that had noticed the boiling kettle. So, he helped himself to a cup of Kagome's ninja-food and clambered onto Kirara's back, slurping contentedly.

"We're premenstrual ok!" Kagome shouted. The girls blushed and the boys stared.

"Prema-whatnow?" Inuyasha finally said, sounding more confused than ever. Sango sighed, turning to her friend.

"We might as well explain, it may be improper, but with such close quarters I don't know how we can avoid it."

"I think you're right," Kagome agreed, with a wicked glint in her eyes. "When women are old enough to bear children, they begin to bleed once a month." She launched into a full description, using all the medical terms she knew. She was sure Inuyasha was going to hurl once she got to the part about shedding the uterine wall. But to her surprise, he stayed seated, his face frozen in a look of amazement, but a little disgust as well. Miroku for his part, tried to maintain a calm exterior, like he'd known this all along. But in truth, he was feeling rather queasy and _very_ grateful to have been born a man.

"This happens to you every month?" Inuyasha asked incredulously. "How do you make it stop?"

Sango and Kagome spoke at the same time.

"You can't."

"There's a pill you can take." The girls looked at each other. Kagome's blush deepened, she turned her gaze down to the ground.

"In my time, there's things call birth control pills. Women can take them once a day and if they do, they won't have their monthly bleeding and they won't get pregnant."

"And uh, are you taking these pills Kagome?" Inuyasha asked offhandedly. Kagome's head snapped up. No doubt about it, Inuyasha, Miroku and even Sango were looking way, _way,_ too interested in this idea.

"No, you pervert!" She exclaimed. "I'm a virgin dammit!" Kagome clapped a hand over her mouth. Surely, they'd all expected that to be the case, but it was another thing to scream it into the night. Plus, she did not like the smirk that had appeared on Inuyasha's face.

"I could fix that for you."

"Sit, boy!" Kagome shrieked, remembering too late that as a human, his pain tolerance had dropped.

"Bitch I think you broke my nose!" While Kagome lectured Inuyasha about manners and he whined about his bleeding nose, Miroku was lost in thought. Sango moved closer to him with a suspicious expression.

"What's going through your head Monk?" She inquired, "You're awfully quiet."

"Isn't it wondrous? A magic pill that would allow me to enjoy lots of women without fear of pregnancy? Astounding!" He said all this while gently rubbing Sango's rear. He saw the vein popping in her fist seconds before it collided with his face.

"Owwwwww." He grumbled, rubbing his already sore cheek. "Just my luck, dealing with three out of five during their time of the month." That got everyone's attention.

"Excuse me?" Inuyasha asked thickly, speaking through the kerchief Kagome had provided to stem the bleeding. "You better not be including me in that count, Monk!"

"Why not?" Miroku responded, "Once a month you feel weak and become cranky and irritable." Sango tried to hide her amused smile behind her hand.

"Would you say he's…pre-moon-strual?" The pair burst into laughter. Even Kagome let out a most-unladylike snort of mirth before stopping herself.

"You just wait til the sun comes up!" Inuyasha raged, "All of you better run!"

"Now now, Inuyasha, don't be like that." Said Kagome breezily, "Would you like some chocolate?"

"Fine." He grumped, snatching the bar out of her hands. Suddenly feeling very affectionate, Kagome sat down and leaned her head against his shoulder, ignoring the knowing looks coming from her teammates.

"Sorry about your nose." She whispered.

"Keh." Inuyasha said quietly, "It's fine." He handed Kagome the remaining half of the chocolate bar. She took it with a smile.

Maybe this time of the month wasn't that bad.

FIN

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This idea just came to me after watching a few of the funnier filler episodes, hope you found it as amusing as I did!

Shooshkipoo


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